Being a crap mate

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I dunno how this has happened. Well in some ways I do and I feel terrible in some ways and in others i feel like standing up and saying, “well no its cause of this or that!”. The fact remains that I have been a really crap mate to some of my friends. I’ve let some of my closest friendships really dwindle when all it requires is a little more effort.

I’ve been thinking a lot about where is the balance between the natural distancing with friends one would expect when you get married. Friendships shift a great deal after marriage and while it’s tempting to say its always a negative shift I want to stop myself and say its not a negative shift but its maybe an uncomforatable change. And change is hard.

Bob is probably the best example of this. Bob and I have been friends for the bast part of almost 10 Years. We met at college and while we both thought the other was a bit of a prat initially we soon became very good friends. As clichéd as its sounds I love him like a brother. His loyalty is astounding, his wit incredible and his mind is aspirational. If he is so great, you may ask then why and how have i let our friendship slide so drastically? The answer? A Lot of things ad a lot of unknowns….

One of the harsh truths is that we have naturally grown apart. Our lives have become so different that common ground has become spa**er and spa**er. But it’s not like that should really hold th friendship to ransom. I mean, My own brother Tom is drastically different to me in all aspects and our friendship is fine but comparing one friendship to another is also a mistake and pointless.

So how has it come to this with Bob? The dynamic of our friendship has been based a lot on a shared sense of humour that our circle of friends has always had. Put a bunch of intelligent good looking people together a it’s what you get. (That sounds really superficial – not intended to be so.) Part of that included us taking the mick out of our catholic upbringings which led on to extremely skeptical views of any religious beliefs and the integrity of any religious organisation. I.E. we took the piss out of anyone religious. While my family has always been religious there was a lot of unspoken jibes and references clouded in layers of subtlety that makes it difficult own to place specific examples but it doesn’t affect the result which was a generally skeptical view on religion and God. So when I became a christian all this was turned on it’s head and it bore a new set of complications – at least that’s how i have seen it. Before I say anything more i need t say i bare all this on my own shoulders as it has been my actions and reactions that have got me to where I am.

SO becoming a christian was and is an amazing experience. My life has been transformed in amazing ways. There is a but coming, can you feel it?…….    BUT!        I couldn’t help thinking what would my friends think, what would Bob think? I was embarrassed that one of the very things that was a common ground and an easy target for ridicule had become the very core of my being. I was embarrassed to tell my closes frinds that I was attending the alpha course in the first place as I had up till the concluded that needing religion was a weakness. I was also embarrassed that i was going back to what my parents had said all along. I was embarrassed and wrried at what my frineds would think of me. Here came my biggest mistake.

This Amazing thing that was happening to me I kept to myself. I didn’t tell them about it. I didn’t want t because i  didn’t want to risk them thinking less of me. I started to distance myself from them. Getting involved with church and everything helped with this. It was easy to busy myself with everything that goes on with a church community but i had no sense of balance. The more I gt involved the more excuses i had to not see my frineds and to not talk t them about what i was going through for fear of the ridicule thy might give me. So i started to spen less and less time with them. It was easier to stick my head in the sand rather than to speak proudly of how my life was changing and becoming sooo much better.

Going back to Bob. This was such a stupid attitude to take. I know Bob has loved me like a brother too and I know that while he might have had reservations about it he wouldn’t judge me as much as I thought he would and to make mattes worse i didn’t give him or my other friends the opportunity to do so. I assumed that they would take a particular stance and i didn’t like it so I didn’t give them the chance. This is what started to create a divide.

Friendships, no, relationships are always built on trust. Closer relationships are built on a trust where you share stuff about your life with those people and that they will love you and respect you regardless of what they may think. I didn’t give them a chance. I didn’t trust them. In turn I held back what was going on. When you hold back stuff from people who know you well they can tell something is up. When you refuse to tell them, that causes a divide as they feel like they are not being trusted.

So what does this make me? It makes me a bit spineless actually. How can I stand up with integrity as a Christian but wollow away form my closest friendships a let them grow stale out of my own insecurities? I cant!

I wont!

I’ve gotta figure out the balance which as you can imagine aint easy but it’s not as complicated as I’m making it. There’s a lot of damage to be repired and while i know my friendships will never be as they were (mainly due to being married), I still want them back.


By Blog, Work No Comments

Friday: 09:00am – 11:45pm

Saturday: 09:30am – 10:45pm

Monday: 08:00am – 7:40pm

Tuesday: 09:30am – 11:30pm

Needless to say, I am a tired tired boy!  – We’ve had a very last minute job come up and i left the clients office at 11:30 last night. It was a tricky one but it’s done now.


I am so so soooo Tired :shock:

Christianity is dull, boring and frumpy?

By God, Video No Comments

Before i became a christian i used to often think that Christianity was dull, frumpy and boring. I quickly realized that this was soooo far from he case. Yes there are some people out there who prefer a slower paced style of practising relgion which is absolutely fine. BUT there are people out there who live dynamic lives who make a difference in the name of Jesus.

27-7 shorts (which is part of the 24-7 Prayer movement – an idea of having prayer rooms in different cities that have prayer going on 24-7) is a website with a bunch of movies about Christians doing some amazing things and they are sooooo far from being frumpy/dull/boring. This is the kind of stuff I’d love to get into. Here are a few (MP4 Format):

[flv width=”420″ height=”265″][/flv] Prayer as Mission

[flv width=”420″ height=”265″][/flv] Prayer as Justice [flv width=”420″ height=”265″][/flv] Prayer as Community [flv width=”420″ height=”265″][/flv] Prayer as a Movement

10 Blogging commandments

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1. You shall not put your blog before your integrity.

2. You shall not make an idol of your blog.

3. You shall not misuse your screen name by using your anonymity to sin.

4. Remember the Sabbath day by taking one day off a week from your blog.

5. Honour your fellow-bloggers above yourselves and do not give undue significance to their mistakes.

6. You shall not murder someone else’s honour, reputation or feelings.

7. You shall not use the web to commit or permit adultery in your mind.

8. You shall not steal another person’s content.

9. You shall not give false testimony against your fellow-blogger.

10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s blog ranking. Be content with your own content.

ref link:

new design yay

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wasn’t 100% happy with the last design, the protrait one, It didnt feel me. It was far too serious but was born from using my new lens so there ya go.

Have tyhis shiney new one instead.!

Quantum of Something

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 Last night, my gorgeous wifey and i decided to go and see Quantum of Solace after church. Now before i commence this rant i have o say we both loved it. The film is a great Bond movie. I can understand why it has gotten some bad reviews but i think that’s just plain narrow-mindedness. For a film legacy to continue it must evolve. This is not the tongue and cheek type of film we used to know in the days of Connery and Moore. No Craig plays a very sinister Bad Ass MoFo of an agent who makes the guys from “Spooks” look like sissys.


Every single shot was beautifully crafted but the story line left me wanting a little bit more and not in a satisfied “cant wait for the next one” kind of way. It felt a bit too much like it was focusing on Bonds bereavements rather than ass woopin. That said, it’s still really really great. I still miss not seeing “Q” ad cant wait for when they do introduce him, if ever.

THE RANT BIT What annoyed me the most as this: I had managed to not read any reviews or see any trailers for he movie. I wanted my eyes to be un-tainted and virginal to this film. They were when we walked into the cinema. BUT  then they started with th ads. There were about 15 mins of ads from watches to computer games based around the movie and very single one showed footage from the film. WHAT IDIOT DIDNT THINK THIS ONE THROUGH. They may as well have shown the whole movie in a 10 Min promo. Ok ok, so it wasn’t that bad but it did severely annoy me.

Be warned! Spoilers in the adverts!

Other Things:

On Sat wifey and I went to Littlehampton on Sat. It rained alot but we had a good time walking down the beach and having tea in the tea-rooms/arcade – an interesting mix yes!





The fish head was weird. The drive home was horrible as the rain was chucking it down and was no fun to deal with.

Other photos include Dan (the singer and my cameraman fr the day)with his feat of snow prowess..

and some pretty autumnal leaves.

Also – I’ve created a VIMEO page. YouTube is becomming a pain, The quality is rubbish and it takes hours to upload to so there you have it.

are we back?

By Via Phone 2 Comments

Hope so.

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hacked off

By Blog No Comments

a day that should have been spent watchin telly and doin nowt with the wife turned into an epic save the website from a hacker – CRETIN!

All my photos gone too! – GRRRRR


By Profound No Comments

They say that when you get older you will start to see a tendency for your body to slow down. This is when you start growing hair in places like your nose and ears and another thing is that you may start putting on weight a little easier.

I’ve been 30 only a few days now and its already started. The last 2 nights in a row the waistband of my jeans felt tight. I’ve been noticing a bulge around my belly. Quickly realising that i wasn’t pregnant i thought it may be the marriage weight gain which i attribute not to weight gain but more to stomach muscle relaxation which results in a slight protrusion.

What i question is,  was always unaware that i had been sucking it in ever so slightly? I know i was no fat bastard – I’ve always been captain skinny, its just a bit of a shock to realize that even I can put on some weight and grow a belly. I think it really is time to get the bike out of Carolyn’s shed.

sexy wifey

By Via Phone No Comments

She is mine and i love her.

This was done on an N95 – 8GB.–EPOC32-gWLccR_wCBcq0SCJMtNx2X7TKP,z0_wmrFmlSY,y1TBR5xW,Content-Type: image/jpegContent-Disposition: attachment; filename=”11102008250.jpg”Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64