photo credit: AdamSelwood
So I’m writing this sitting in the discomfort of a hospital waiting room. My beautiful wife is in with some doctor having some x-rays done and I have to wait out here.
So why are we here?
For over a year Ruth and I have been trying to get pregnant but sadly, for reasons we don’t yet know, we’ve not had any luck. This has been really difficult as it throws up so many questions and its just a really sad place that we find ourselves.
It’s amazing what we’ve taken for granted in the past. The assumption is that you’ll just get pregnant with no fuss. Actually, You presume that it should be a pleasurable experience all round. But this didn’t happen.
I remember the first month. We knew what the odds were of the desired result but we were still quite excited by the prospect and when it didn’t happen we were disappointed. It was fine. We remembered the odds. We just looked forward to the next month.
At this point we realise that we were getting into this game a little later than what the prime of our bodies would wish but we tool this as something to be aware of.
The second month came and went with the same result as the previous and we felt the same. No worries! On to next month.
After the fourth month I started to worry.
The questions and doubts started to seep in;
- What’s the problem?
- Is my…equipment working?
- If not what does that mean?
- Can I be a real man with malfunctioning tackle?
- Am I letting Ruth down?
- Will we be able to have a baby?
- Will we ever have a family?
- Should we adopt?
- Should we foster?
- Will we be able to do either?
And so we find ourselves in our local hospital going through the first steps of fertility treatment. There are many tests to go through and it feels like each one could give a crushing result. Of all the possibilities I don’t even know what I want the results to mean. On the one hand it could explain things quickly but on kid other game, that explanation could pose another bigger list of complications.
Despite the pain and heart ache two great things have come from all this:
Our marriage has grown so much stronger. We have been determined to in through this together and to pull in to eachother rather than push away. This is not a problem with Ruth or I, its OUR problem that we are dealing with together.
Our faith has grown. We’ve had no choice but to trust God in this. He knows what we want. He can make it happen. We believe that He wants this for up also.
Wanna Support us?
Then pray – That’ll be easy for some of you but for those of you who don’t believe in God or who call themselves athiests or other such lunacy (I say that in jest of course) I would ask you to pray anywhere. You don’t have to believe in God for him to hear your prayers and what have you got to loose when we have so much to gain.
Everyday when I get up, I go downstairs and Ruth and I have to figure out whose turn it is to go in to the babies bedroom first.
They’re holding things and grabbing things…from each other.
I’d like to introduce you to my daughter and my son.
