So it’s almost 4am as i write this. I’m up late doin a thing for Tesco. But Tesco is not what i wanna talk about.
No. Its smoking.
Back in May I quit smoking. Cold Turkey! No patches gum inhilators or any aides what so ever. I just went for it with sheer will power! It was really tough. There had been times when i really really wanted to have a smoke but I resisted the urge time and time again but I never gave in. The attitude i took was: i was not a smoker giving up but i was no longer a smoker! FULL STOP!!!! This was key. I had to convince myself of this otherwise I would have crumbled.
A couple of years ago i almost quit. I lasted about 2 months before one day i had a really crappie day. I was stressed out, angry and work was really tough and i cracked. This time round has had many similar days. Still I have resisted. There were a few other things i did this time round that were diffrent to the last time.
Firstly I am now living in a non smoking house. For the forst couple of months here i still smoked but it meant going outside for one eachtime so it resulted in me cutting down severly before the plundge. I had been a chain smoker in my old place, smoking while working at my desk. I probably smoked about 30 a day. A non smoking home helped.
Second I got rid of almost all my smoking paraphernalia. cigarettes, lighters, matchbooks, ashtrays, rolling papers – the lot.
Thirdly (this is why i said “almost” in the second point) I kept one cigarette as a temptation. Knowing it was there, knowing that i could have that ciggie if i wanted it was a real challenge but it was a battle of will that was made harder but more thorough as a result.
While waiting for a render to finish i decided to smoke that last ciggie. Now I must stress that I had no urdge or craving. I was not feeling stressed or down or sad. There was no motivation behind it driven by a desire to smoke. I wanted to see if it brought back any cravings or too see if i would enjoy it like i remembered it. There was a part of me that was quite wary of doing this – fearful that it would take me back undoing all the work id put in to no smoking -it didnt.
For the life of me i really dont know what i liked about smoking. It was disgusting! It was really really awful. I couldnt finish the thing. When i finished it i went straight to the bathroom to brush my teeth, use a loadf of mouth wash and get the smell off my fingers and face. Even now I can still smell slight remenants of it. It really was disgusting. The tase was nasty. How could i have ever enjoyed it like i had done in the past. This exercise has helped me realise that i never ever want to smoke ever again.
Besides – I can now run down the street without wanting to cough up a lung!
Let me leave you with this: